21 years ago..........

I find it absolutely hard to believe,but tomorrow is my babys 21st Birthday,who knew it would go by this fast? 21 years ago today I was weary,heavy with child and afraid,and rightly so,the pain of childbirth now pales into insignificance compared with the many life hurdles I have encountered with my children,none of the many baby books I read all those years ago prepared me for the all consuming love I feel for my babies,or the worry,the joy,the FUN!! that parenthood brings! Katie is an amazing young woman,we could not be more proud of her,she has been and remains an absolute joy,I love her more than words can ever say and despite the high heels and short skirts,I still see the tiny peach coloured bundle with a flash of black hair that was handed to me in the maternity hospital 21 years ago,I knew then that my life had changed in a heartbeat and I still thank God for that every single day.

Happy Birthday Katie Scarlett.xxxxxxxxxxx

On being a Mother

I swear to God nobody told me that I would feel the vast range of emotions that I do about my children,I thought that all I had to do was hold them in my arms and love them with all of my heart,I looked forward with great joy at watching them learn and grow and still to this day,I am in absolute awe that these two precious souls are my Daughters.But I was very naive,I did not see that when they hurt....I hurt twice as much,this was brought home to me again today at my eldest Daughters college,I sat feeling helpless as her Tutor reprimanded her in a rather unpleasant tone for a minor detail,My daughter is twenty years old,but I looked in her eyes and saw the sheer frustration she was feeling and once again she was five years old and someone had been mean to her in the school yard,I absolutely raged inside,I wanted to say "dont talk to my child like that!" but I didnt I had to let her deal with it,I got into my car with a heavy heart and rang her when I got home to check on her.Ridiculous arent I?,but then,I got an email from my friend Debbie containing this linkhttp://katherinecenter.wordpress.com/2010/01/28/defining-a-movement/ pop over and watch it,It just says it all for me.

You..................

Uninvited, the thought of you stayed too late in my head.
so I went to bed, dreaming you hard, hard, woke with your name,
like tears, soft, salt, on my lips, the sound of its bright syllables
like a charm, like a spell.

Falling in love
is glamorous hell: the crouched, parched heart
like a tiger, ready to kill; a flame’s fierce licks under the skin.
into my life, larger than life, you strolled in.

I hid in my ordinary days, in the long grass of routine,
in my camouflage rooms. You sprawled in my gaze,
staring back from anyone’s face, from the shape of a cloud,
from the pining, earth-struck moon which gapes at me

as I open the bedroom door. The curtains stir. There you are
on the bed, like gift, like a touchable dream.

Carol Ann Duffy.

Cosy afternoons,candlelight and cakes!

What can a girl do when the scene from her window resembles a shaken up snowglobe, the 'to do list' cannot be done,an evening out with the girls is cancelled due to the afore mentioned snow and frankly the brand new year is just not happening.
She puts on her prettiest pinny,sweeps back her hair into a makeshift chignon,bestows a handful of kisses on the cutest little daughter...........and bakes! Yes indeed,in the silly raspberry painted kitchen,dotted with candles and Ella Fitzgerald singing 'They cant take that away from me' They mix,they spoon,they wipe flour from their noses and for a little while all that Heaven allows reigns over the little house surrounded by snow.

I never professed to be a domestic Goddess......but if the pinny fits.....

Snow time!

Yes indeedy! it has been very wintery here up North lately and I must be honest,although Lola loves frollicking in the white stuff,I am absolutely terrified of snow! weird I know,as picture pretty as it looks from my window,I totter around in it like a pensioner,my job is a lot of driving and in and out of housing estates so I have been a nervous wreck whilst out at work.Roll on springtime!

The days before Christmas.......

Are a little bit different this year! I am going through the motions,shopping,cleaning,cooking,decorating,but I feel like I am doing it all on autopilot,I am not excited,I am weary,my workload has been heavy these past weeks and I am ready for a few days respite.We are having my Mum here for Christmas...her first without my Dad,the very thought of which actually gives me chest pains,but I will make it a good day! I will delight in my girls opening their gifts at an ungodly hour,I shall don my sparkliest earings ,eat chocolates before lunch(possibly for breakfast)I shall wear my favourite Christmas pinny and make my Mother sit in the kitchen and drink sparkling wine whilst I cook the most delicious feast,I will listen to the Queens speech and stifle my inner anarchist,I will start to imagine my sitting room without the Christmas tree which half blocks the tv,I will silently swear to myself that gluttony is the most heinous of sins and therefore I shall drink litres of water for the next week and eat frugally,I shall laugh and probably cry too at the Royle family Christmas special ! I so love Caroline Ahernes writing! anyone see 'The fattest man in Britain'? I wept like a baby! and finally...it will be over,very soon it will be another year,Gosh how I have changed this past year,what a journey! I have had to deal with hubbys unemployment,losing my Dad,me finding a day job...and yet...I am still standing,next year will be better,I know this.

Arent I doing good Dad? xx

Its beginning to look a lot like Christmas........

Yesterday morning,much to the delight of a very excited little girl,we hunted down the perfect Christmas tree,the smell of pine needles is surely the very essence of Christmas! eventually after a teeny struggle getting the darn thing insitu,we were ready! nibbles on hand,home alone on DVD and a little festive drinky poo and boxes of decorations deftly retrieved from the garage by a slightly stressed Husband,we were ready to roll!

So off we went,tinsel in hand and decorated Chez King with all manner of sparkly kitsch! not for me you see are the colour co-ordinated Christmas Trees often seen in windows around these here parts,Oh no.I realised long ago it is no fun at all for a child to decorate with only two shades of baubles,carefully chosen to match the colour scheme.It is just thrilling to see Lucy retrieving a rather glitzy vintage Santa we bought for pennies,whilst out thrifting many moons ago,or to rediscover the homemade Angel,carefully crafted at School,even though her Halo has slipped a little,and the tinsel! Tinsel,who knew a few metres of silver tinsel could invoke such joy!

Of course I may not be gushing about it quite this much in a weeks time when I am constantly sweeping up pine needles! but for now,welll yes!.......Its beginning to look a LOT like Christmas!