You..................

Uninvited, the thought of you stayed too late in my head.
so I went to bed, dreaming you hard, hard, woke with your name,
like tears, soft, salt, on my lips, the sound of its bright syllables
like a charm, like a spell.

Falling in love
is glamorous hell: the crouched, parched heart
like a tiger, ready to kill; a flame’s fierce licks under the skin.
into my life, larger than life, you strolled in.

I hid in my ordinary days, in the long grass of routine,
in my camouflage rooms. You sprawled in my gaze,
staring back from anyone’s face, from the shape of a cloud,
from the pining, earth-struck moon which gapes at me

as I open the bedroom door. The curtains stir. There you are
on the bed, like gift, like a touchable dream.

Carol Ann Duffy.

Cosy afternoons,candlelight and cakes!

What can a girl do when the scene from her window resembles a shaken up snowglobe, the 'to do list' cannot be done,an evening out with the girls is cancelled due to the afore mentioned snow and frankly the brand new year is just not happening.
She puts on her prettiest pinny,sweeps back her hair into a makeshift chignon,bestows a handful of kisses on the cutest little daughter...........and bakes! Yes indeed,in the silly raspberry painted kitchen,dotted with candles and Ella Fitzgerald singing 'They cant take that away from me' They mix,they spoon,they wipe flour from their noses and for a little while all that Heaven allows reigns over the little house surrounded by snow.

I never professed to be a domestic Goddess......but if the pinny fits.....

Snow time!

Yes indeedy! it has been very wintery here up North lately and I must be honest,although Lola loves frollicking in the white stuff,I am absolutely terrified of snow! weird I know,as picture pretty as it looks from my window,I totter around in it like a pensioner,my job is a lot of driving and in and out of housing estates so I have been a nervous wreck whilst out at work.Roll on springtime!

The days before Christmas.......

Are a little bit different this year! I am going through the motions,shopping,cleaning,cooking,decorating,but I feel like I am doing it all on autopilot,I am not excited,I am weary,my workload has been heavy these past weeks and I am ready for a few days respite.We are having my Mum here for Christmas...her first without my Dad,the very thought of which actually gives me chest pains,but I will make it a good day! I will delight in my girls opening their gifts at an ungodly hour,I shall don my sparkliest earings ,eat chocolates before lunch(possibly for breakfast)I shall wear my favourite Christmas pinny and make my Mother sit in the kitchen and drink sparkling wine whilst I cook the most delicious feast,I will listen to the Queens speech and stifle my inner anarchist,I will start to imagine my sitting room without the Christmas tree which half blocks the tv,I will silently swear to myself that gluttony is the most heinous of sins and therefore I shall drink litres of water for the next week and eat frugally,I shall laugh and probably cry too at the Royle family Christmas special ! I so love Caroline Ahernes writing! anyone see 'The fattest man in Britain'? I wept like a baby! and finally...it will be over,very soon it will be another year,Gosh how I have changed this past year,what a journey! I have had to deal with hubbys unemployment,losing my Dad,me finding a day job...and yet...I am still standing,next year will be better,I know this.

Arent I doing good Dad? xx

Its beginning to look a lot like Christmas........

Yesterday morning,much to the delight of a very excited little girl,we hunted down the perfect Christmas tree,the smell of pine needles is surely the very essence of Christmas! eventually after a teeny struggle getting the darn thing insitu,we were ready! nibbles on hand,home alone on DVD and a little festive drinky poo and boxes of decorations deftly retrieved from the garage by a slightly stressed Husband,we were ready to roll!

So off we went,tinsel in hand and decorated Chez King with all manner of sparkly kitsch! not for me you see are the colour co-ordinated Christmas Trees often seen in windows around these here parts,Oh no.I realised long ago it is no fun at all for a child to decorate with only two shades of baubles,carefully chosen to match the colour scheme.It is just thrilling to see Lucy retrieving a rather glitzy vintage Santa we bought for pennies,whilst out thrifting many moons ago,or to rediscover the homemade Angel,carefully crafted at School,even though her Halo has slipped a little,and the tinsel! Tinsel,who knew a few metres of silver tinsel could invoke such joy!

Of course I may not be gushing about it quite this much in a weeks time when I am constantly sweeping up pine needles! but for now,welll yes!.......Its beginning to look a LOT like Christmas!

Housebound.....and loving it!

I am at present,shall we say 'indisposed' albeit temporarily,due to the fact that just over a week ago I underwent a little 'surgery' I was told by my consultant that the down time after the procedure would be two weeks,so here i am confined to barracks and now that the worst is over I am actually enjoying it!( mind you this time last week had you offered me a gun I would have shot myself) But there is something very liberating about being stuck indoors,I have not been taking Lucy to school,her lovely big sister has been doing the honours,I have been unable to work and my brain has sort of slowed down! i could get used to this,I putter around the house all morning,I make lists of what needs to be done,I make tea in a teapot,as opposed to a quick teabag in a cup jobbie,I am catching up on my reading,watching 'The darling buds of may' every afternoon on tv and tomorrow I have 'Brideshead revisited' lined up on dvd! You know life has been so hectic for me this year that I sort of fell out of love with my home for a while,I just had so many other things going on that I forgot how much joy I derive from being in this humble little abode,but this past week when I have been forced into doing nothing much,I have rekindled the romance,I have cleaned and polished,vaccumed and waxed,lit candles and scented the rooms with cinnamon and orange oils,all done,I hasten to add,at a most leisurely pace.Back to work on Thursday i am afraid,once again I need to venture out into the real world and make a living,but Oh how much I shall look forward to coming home!

Love after love......

The time will come when,with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving at your own door,
in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the others welcome,

And say,sit here,eat.
You will love again the stranger who was yourself.
Give wine.Give bread.Give back your heart to itself,
to the stranger who has loved you all your life,
whom you ignored for another,who knows you by heart.

Take down the letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs,the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror,
Sit.Feast on your life.

I am reading 'The Time travelers wife' this poem is at the very beginning of the book,I read the poem and loved it instantly,I am probably one of the few people who have not seen the movie,but the book is amazing and I am relishing every page,it is one of those books that reminds me of the absolute power of clever writing,and the reason why a good book is as essential to my wellbeing,as is a decent meal.

Read it and weep.